It’s hard to imagine life before candy. Sometimes I sit here for hours, staring into the past trying to remember what it was like, but I never seem to get very far.

            I guess the last thing I could think of is sitting with him; I remember telling him it’s not me, I won’t do it. His name was Chris I was barely sixteen and doing everything any other sixteen year old did. I drank, smoked cigarettes, and smoked weed. Then again those were pretty much my limits. When I say pretty much I mean I have only taken shrooms once or twice and pills occasionally, But nothing more.

            We were at his dealer’s house; I guess he was a friend of ours. I didn’t know him as well but Chris really liked his candy. I watched them do it over and over. It never bothered me that was there weed, there booze. See it was a different fun. Of course I thought about it once or twice, how it made you feel, if I would look different. I would never try it, but then again they never asked.

            The night I tried Candy for the first time Chris and I had gotten into a fight. I don’t remember what about, but I do know that we were both so heated we wanted to relax. When I started yelling he said, “Just do this with me, you’ll like the way it makes you feel.” That’s when I exploded, “Are you f--king kidding me? It’s not me, I won’t do it.” “How would you know, you’ve never tried it.” That’s where he made his point and I couldn’t disagree.

I watched him get everything ready, melt down the powder on the tinfoil, then get the needle ready. “Is that clean, I won’t use anything dirty.” “Yes, last clean one just for you.” I was nervous as sh*t, thought about backing out, but how could you be so unsure about something you have never tried. So I didn’t back out. The smell, was so indescribable kind of like meth but stronger, or not as strong I’m not sure. He wrapped a type of tourniquet thing on my arm. Then all that was left was actually doing it. Finding a vein was stressful, once you found one it was the thought of whether you were going to go through with it or not.

Once the needle went through my skin, my eyes started to water, but when I untied the tourniquet and felt the drugs go through my veins was what really got me. I just felt numb but relieved at the same time; Kind of happy, and really good. “Just relax and breathe”, said Chris.

My first high is what made it so good and worth it. After that I was high for like two days straight. On the third day coming down felt so uncomfortable and wrong I just wanted to stay high. I took the same as the first time and didn’t get as high. I wanted that same feeling back but it wasn’t going to happen, so I took more.